Give & Take
by MoonFairyDoll
Summary: Olivia, Elliot and Casey find themselves in a vicious cycle of love, need regret.


Title: Give and Take  
Author: Tany  
Category: Vignette, Angst, Romance, Femslash  
Characters: Olivia, Elliot, Casey  
Feedback: Much appreciated! ;)  
Archive: My Journal, contact me to archive someplace else.  
Disclaimer: Don't own the show, characters, settings, anything! They all belong to Dick Wolfand NBC. I only borrow them from time to time for my own personal amusement! ;)  
Summary: Olivia, Elliot and Casey find themselves in a vicious cycle of love, need regret.  
A/N: This idea came to me out of nowhere, and basically wrote itself. Never written femslash before so bear with me. ;) Also, for this story forget Doubt and any other episode that deals with Elliot's separation. Hope you like.

Thanks to my wonderful beta M. (delgaserasca)

"He's married, Olivia!" Casey called out to Olivia's retreating back.

Olivia turned around and almost flinched when she saw the hurt clouding Casey's green eyes.

"I know." She whispered, tears lodging at her throat.

"Then why go?"

"He needs me."

"I need you too." Casey replied, her pain evident as her body trembled with need.

"He's my partner."

"He's married." Casey repeated.

They stared at each other for a while, brown eyes piercing into green.

This give and take game had been going on for months now. She would go to Elliot and comfort him the only way she knew how. She gave herself to him in mind, body and soul. Then after he went back to his wife, she would go back to Casey and take what she needed from her.

Tonight was no different. After a particularly difficult case, they all decided to go for some drinks to unwind. Elliot left the bar first and headed home. Olivia went to Casey's place.

Then after spending most of the night enveloped in Casey's embrace her phone rang. "Benson." She answered in case it was Cragen calling to tell her there was another victim, another soul broken, another body violated.

"Liv." His voice came through hoarse, raw filled with unshed tears.

"El. I'll be right there."

She knew where he was. The same place he always went to when he needed her. Her apartment. She knew how this case had affected him and it was her job to comfort him.

He didn't need to say anything else, he simply sighed and hung up. His Liv was coming. And she would take away the pain and give him all of her in the process. He knew where she was, but he didn't care, he needed her so badly it hurt. He let out a shaky breath and waited for his beautiful angel to come rescue him.

Olivia got out of bed quietly, trying her best not to wake her companion, and felt immediate guilt when she saw Casey's figure shifting in bed. 'She looks so beautiful.' She thought to herself, and pushed aside the bit of regret she felt coming at her for leaving her. 'I'll deal with that tomorrow.' She thought. She got dressed and went to the kitchen to leave a note for Casey.

As she slipped into her jacket and headed for the door, Casey's voice stopped her.

"Liv?"

(And now here they were. Wondering how they got into this mess to begin with).

Olivia wondered how she could love them both with such intensity and she did, of that she had no doubt.

She closed the distance between them and cradled Casey's cheek with her right hand. She placed a soft tender kiss on her plump lips and whispered, "I have to go. I'm sorry."

A single tear fell down Casey's cheek and Olivia caught it with her thumb.

Casey let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding and looked into Olivia's deep brown eyes.

She hated her at times like this when she left her cold, empty and broken, while she went to warm, fill and fix Elliot. She was a strong, independent woman and she hated the fact that Olivia had the ability to turn her into a weak, scared little girl. She hated her for leaving her here alone, but she loved her. God, she loved her.

Olivia was her drug, she was addicted and goddamn it she was going to take what little she could get. She was a junkie in need of her fix and she didn't care if she had to share her with someone else.

Olivia backed off just a bit, looked Casey straight into her eyes and whispered, "I love you."

"Just like he loves his wife?" It was a cheap shot, and she knew it, but she wanted Olivia to hurt just as much as she was hurting right now.

Casey's words startled the cop; she removed her hand from Casey's face and just stared at her. And it was then, that it hit her; she was doing to Casey exactly what Elliot was doing to her. And it pained her. But it pained her more to know that she loved them both and didn't want to give either of them up. She was selfish, she knew it but Elliot and Casey were so ingrained within her that she couldn't breathe without them.

Instead of replying she just kissed Casey one more time and left.

Casey remained staring at the closed door for a few more minutes, though she could have sworn an eternity had passed. She let out a heart-wrenching cry, went back to her room to recover and go back to being the strong Casey Novak she was before Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler came into her life.

Olivia hailed a cab, got in and gave the driver directions to her apartment. She cried softly on the way home, remembering Casey's tear filled green eyes.

Once there she paid the driver, let out a sigh, wiped her tears and went inside her building. She entered her apartment to find a weary looking Elliot sitting on her couch. He had used the key she had given to him years before in case of an emergency. She smiled sadly at him as he got up from the couch.

They went towards each other as if drawn by magnets. He sighed when he touched her face and immediately brushed his lips against hers.

He whispered, "I'm sorry."

"I know." She knew exactly what he meant. He was sorry for taking her away from Casey, for cheating on his wife, for needing Olivia so badly he could hardly breathe.

Finally their lips clashed against each other in a heated and painful kiss that expressed all the sorrow and love they felt towards each other. They parted as the need for air became more important than their need for each other. She looked into his intense blue eyes and sighed. This was home. He whispered, "I love you," and she remembered Casey's words. Tears threatened to fall as the memory of Casey alone in her apartment burned through her brain like a fire through a forest. That was home too.

She cried softly and Elliot held her, rubbing her back gently.

Her tears subsided and when she looked up, she saw her own tears reflected in his eyes. He cried for the same reasons she did. He cried for the victims, for Kathy, for Casey, for Olivia and for himself.

She let herself drown in his eyes as she led him to the bedroom.

She didn't care anymore. She could regret this once again in the morning. She would take what he had to give and give him the only thing she knew he wanted and needed. Her heart. She would worry about the broken pieces of her life after he went home to his wife.

It was a vicious cycle, this give and take. But it didn't matter. She needed Elliot and Casey and they needed her.

It was hell, heaven and everything in between, and they didn't care. Because life wasn't perfect and neither were they. And on Monday they would go back to being Detectives Elliot Stabler, Olivia Benson and ADA Casey Novak.

(And the give and take game would start all over again).

Fin.


End file.
